Shadow Selves in Megillat Esther

In chapter 1 of the book of Esther, we meet King Achashverosh and Queen Vashti. In chapter 2, we meet a second pair, a second man and woman: Mordechai and Esther. 

The King is a fool. He is drunk. He is out of control. His impulsive demands lead to dire consequences. The Queen is independant-minded and disobedient. 

These two represent the exact opposite to the man and woman we meet in chapter 2:

Mordechai is very careful and controlled. He instructs Esther not to reveal her Jewish identity. He walks in front of the harem, trying to gather information about Esther, because without information he cannot control the situation. He commands Esther in chapter 4 to go into the king. He is in control of himself, and he is in control of Esther.

Esther is obedient. She does what Mordechai commands her. 

Achashverosh and Vashti represent their Shadow selves, the selves that Mordechai and Esther push down out of sight - though they are still there, working away in the subconscious. But as the story progresses, the Shadow selves emerge.

Esther ceases to simply obey Mordechai. She does not rebel, but she does take matters into her own hands and begin to implement her own plan. When this happens, Mordechai is no longer in control - he cedes control to Esther and ultimately to the Divine Providence that brings Haman knocking at the King's door that fateful night. 

When working with our Shadow selves, the parts of us that frighten us or are not known to our conscious minds, the idea is not to go to the other extreme and transform into that self (lack of control, wild rebellion etc). It is rather to bring them up in such a way that they are healthily integrated into the rest of our personality, and we are no longer afraid of being that way.

*This insight was gained while doing Bibliodrama, Adar 5782.

Memuchan and Haman

The midrash likes to take two separate biblical characters and suggest they are one and the same person. This is also true of Memuchan, the advisor to King Achashverosh in Esther chapter 1, whom the Midrash declares is none other than Haman (officially, Haman only makes an appearance in chapter 3). 

Why conflate the two? Perhaps because we don't know why the King favours Haman and promotes him in Esther 3:1 - and Memuchan's advice was so appealing to the King that it would make sense that he would rise in the ranks. There are other lines of similarity as pointed out by Yaacov Bronstein here.

But it is also striking that both Memuchan and Haman both wished to disempower and destroy minorities. Memuchan wanted all women to obey their husbands, and never to show independent thought or rebel. Haman wanted to eliminate the pesky Mordechai who refused to obey the king's command and bow to him - and to take his stiff-necked, irritatingly different brethren with him. 

In the end, a woman, Esther, takes away all of Haman's power and brings about his death. And the Jews live on for many centuries and eventually return in joy to their ancient homeland, while Amalek has disappeared from the earth. 

* This insight arose while doing Bibliodrama, Adar 5782.

The Essence of the Megillah - Achashverosh?!

There is an interesting Mishnah that says:

Mishnah Megillah 2:3: …From where does one read the megillah and fulfill the obligation? R’ Meir says, Read all of it. R’ Judah says, from “There was a certain Jew” (2:5). R’ Yossi says, from “After these things” (3:1).

This is rather odd. How could we start reading the megillah from anywhere but the beginning, and understand its plot? What is the meaning of "fulfilling the obligation" from points other than at the beginning?


The gemara adds a fourth position, and an explanation:

B. Talmud Megillah 19a: "R' Simeon bar Yohai says, from “On that night" (6:1). R’Yohanan says, All derive their interpretation from the same verse: “Then Esther the queen, the daughter of Abihail and of Mordecai the Jew, wrote down all the acts of power ['kol tokef,' or all the power or essence]" (9:29). For those who say read the entire Megillah, the essence is Ahasuerus. For those who say read from “There was a certain Jew” the essence is Mordecai. For those who say read from "After these things," the essence is Haman. For those who say read from "On that night," the essence is the miracle of Purim.'"

So the question is what the essence of the megillah?
I took a vote amongst a group of Jewish friends, and none of them voted that the essence of the megillah is Achashverosh. And yet that is how we pasken, as Rabbi Meir - that you have to start from the very beginning.

So how is the essence of the megillah Achashverosh? I think this is one of those questions which is stronger than the answers, but here are some possibilities:

My cousin's husband, Rabbi Da'vid Sperling, had the folllowing insight while discussing this question at the Purim seuda, 5780: Those who think the essence of the megillah is Mordechai (or indeed the Purim miracle) see God's hand behind the good things that occur to us. That is one level. A higher level is to see God's hand behind the evil things that happen to us - represented here by Haman. But the highest level of all, the essence of life, is to see God behind events that do not seem to have anything to do with us at all - in this case Achashverosh, his parties and his problems with his queen. At the highest level, God is orchestrating everything, and everything affects everything else. This is why the essence of the megillah is Achashverosh.


Another answer: while doing a bibliodrama on Esther Chapter 1 with the women's shiur of Bet Yosef, Jerusalem. Miriam Pomeranz noted that this king showed much flexibility, throughout the development of events, and managed to hold on to his position till the end. That made me think about the profound truth of this statement: while everyone else is either elevated (Mordechai. Esther, the Jews) or brought low/eliminated (Vashti, Haman, his sons, his wife), Achashverosh remains in the same basic position througout. That is no small thing.

We know that Achashverosh is compared in the megillah symbolically to the King of Kings, God. So a lesson that emerges from this is: when everything in the world is disrupted, and some are brought low while others suddenly find themselves unexpectedly powerful - and this is inevitably the case in the bigger picture, no one remains on top forever - God alone remains on an even keel - always God, always king.

And a final thought, relating to the human Achashverosh, is that unlike Haman who is cold, ruthless, angry to the point of becoming completely unhinged, Achashverosh always remains very human. He is drunk, he is angry and humiliated, but he also has a soft heart when it comes to Esther and wants to give to her and love her. Therefore, though he agrees to Haman's desire to kill the Jews, he is ultimately not our enemy, even if he is a bit morally spineless. Having a soft heart is a praiseworthy thing in Jewish thought (apart from when going to war). So this too might be a reason why we must begin with Achashverosh. And this humanness might be also why God can use him as his emissary שליח for his divine plan - why he merits to have that happen, despite all of his flaws.


Along these lines, this year, I wrote this piece [1]:

Well my name’s Achashverosh, yes you like to put me down

But in Megillat Esther it is I who bestow the crown,

My hands are God’s hands, my eyes God’s eyes,

My self the throne of glory, all thinly disguised.

Can YOU call yourself the vessel of the divine?

Or do you see with small brains, drawing a thick line

between finite and infinite, human and transcendent

never realizing it’s all interdependant

Throughout the megilla, my face is a mask

And G-d looks through it as I do His task,

Fool I might be, but my soft heart’s circumcised,

While Haman, clever, ruthless – is, I believe, demised.

He’s pushing up the daisies, he's completely expired

He’s ceased to be, he’s definitely retired

He's a stiff, kicked the bucket! Admit it, come on!

He’s shuffled off ‘is mortal coil!! THIS IS AN EX-HAMAN!


[1] The idea of our eyes being as God's eyes in this world comes from Recanati's interpretation of the verse "an eye for an eye", which I heard quoted by Yitzhak Attias. The final lines of the verse are a reference to the Monty Python dead parrot sketch. I find it amusing to imagine Achashverosh pining for the fjords.

Can I come to the King in the Inner Court?

This year I was reading the following verse from Esther 4:

11. All the king’s servants, and the people of the king’s provinces, know, that whoever, whether man or woman, shall come to the king into the inner court, who is not called, there is a law; to put him to death, except such to whom the king shall hold out the golden scepter, that he may live; but I have not been called to come to the king these thirty days.

The woman sitting next to me at the megilla reading had what looked like a children's megilla full of midrashim, and it cited a midrash that Achashverosh was indeed furious to see Esther there unbeckoned, but then he suddenly saw her and remembered how much he loved her, and could not be angry any more.

It's a well-known idea that although G-d's name is not mentioned explicitly in Megillat Esther, we can take (some of?) the references to the king as referring not, or not only, to Achashverosh but also to the King of Kings.

On a daily basis, or perhaps more powerfully on Rosh Hashanah, we feel "How can I go into the King? I am not desired. I am not in relationship. We have not communicated for many days. I have not heard Him call me." So we hesitate to enter. But know - once you enter, G-d will not be able to help Him (Her) self, but instantly fall in love with our beautiful souls.

(ADDITION: Supporting this idea, I later heard in the name of the Tur that the word "Uvechen", a recurring word from the Rosh Hashanah prayer meaning "And thus", is taken from the megillah, from the exact verse where Esther takes upon herself to go to the king though she may be killed for it [4:16]).

A new festival bursts forth from the darkness

Chiddush heard from Moshe-Mordechai van Zuiden: Why did the date of the decree to destroy the Jewish people fall on 13th Adar? Because that's the day furthest away from Pesach. The next day, 14th Adar, we already begin to plan towards the next Pesach as it says in the Shulchan Aruch, 30 days before the festival we begin to plan.

This tremendous idea got me thinking. From the very darkest place, where the light of redemption was the dimmest, a brand new festival broke through, an entire marvelous new festival of redemption (with yet more eating, of course!). From within the darkness the most amazing things are born.

Such born things may differ from their source in unexpected ways. The Purim energy is not by any means identical to the Pesach energy. The latter seems clean, clear and straight, while the former seems dark, concealed, twisting and turning.  I would go so far as to suggest that this world is divided into Purim people and Pesach people. (I know which one I am... which one are you?)

In any event it's good we have both. So thank you Haman - couldn't have done it without you.